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"We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesn't diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives."




Hi, how are you .........? So, like I said, I made this page specially for you.

I didn't actually know what should I put in this page...


Hey, the password....don't give it to anybody tau? Keep it secret. Eheh.

Kalau dah ada orang tau, tell me. I'll change it...ok?


So, where should I start.............(blank!)

Ok, I call this story.....


A Never-Ending Story



Hi...I’ve sent you loads of emails before...but so few of them tell you about the real me. So here I want to tell you what I really feel about our new relationship... there are so much things I should have tell you but things were moving too fast, just like what you said when you received my sms (the one that said...ich liebe Dich). Ok actually, I don’t know where to start, and where to end. Let see, whether I should write in English or B.Melayu… Hmm I think better write in English (it’s not that my English is better…What a horribly terrible English I had!!) Ok, first of all I’ve told you that I love your sms right? Except the first one “Oit, ko sape? budak utm ke?”... Eheh. So I kept sending you sms though my friends started teasing me (because I said that I won’t have a boyfriend forever!!) but when they found out that I was sending sms with Zuhrin Azam Abd Wahid, they got very excited and told me to be your ‘girlfriend’… and I said “haha… what a joke… you should fill in the circus form to be a clown!!” they said you are smart and expert in multimedia (I can see why!!), you are shy, and ‘baik giler’!! (In other words, they were promoting you… maaa!!).


This is what you wrote to me about our relationship. So I decided to write back here. I'm not a good writer, and I dunno how to write a love letter >^.^< so I'm sorry if there's any grammatical error or misplaced words. I think I'm gonna use 'bahasa rojak'. Eheh....forgive me if I'm wrong about what I'm gonna say because I can't remember it clearlylah (Umm...loser). Ok, first of all, like you, I also started to love your sms since you replied my sms for the first time. You were angry that time...right? Because maybe you thought I was 'yelling' at you. But honestly, I was not. That's why after that I said "tak marahla, tanye je". Yup, like I said, we are moving too fast...but the timing is right (I think) because we started to know each other after the final exam. Dah nak cuti,  kalau tak, takde la peluang nak chat, e-mail, call, kenal dengan lebih dekat...kan? That time, it was me alone who knows about you (your sms) at my college. I think that was because I'm not using Nokia. So, no 'Tet tet tet....', just a simple and short tone. Lagipun, bebudak yg selalu kecoh kat bilik tu dah balik kampung. Exam diorg dah abis. But, they mmg syak sesuatu yang tak kena sebab after that, my hp is always with me. I didn't want them to read your sms. They (especially Jumaat) started teasing me.."Oho... Win... jiwang eh sekarang..".  Ciss...but luckily, they didn't know you. Even your name (Saya mmg perahsia orgnye..ahaha! You know me right...honey?).


Every time I hear my message tone, I hope one of them comes from you. And they usually were. I kept hoping for your sms, because they tell me who you really are. And gosh… I fell in love with your English sms!! But one thing, I showed your sms to Mardhiah... because she’s the one who told me your name and showed you to me when we were at PSZ (math final test)... sorry bout that...but I’m sure and guarantee she wouldn’t tell anyone. I know and trusted her… and your sms, they were all valuable for me... and the hardest thing I ever have to do was to delete all your sms… (I just shut my eyes and press the delete key…!)… My phone has limited memory but my heart has unlimited space for the sender... you!! Man… I was like a mad girl when I hear my message tone... even crazier when I smiled uncontrollably and sometimes laughed when I got your message! My friend said, “Abisla…Edot dah angau ngan si Zuhrin..!!” But guess what… Aina wouldn’t believe it because she said you wouldn’t be the one playing sms with me… because she said ”Takkan la Zuhrin kot? Die tak masuk senarai yg aku teke…” eheh... Until one day, I sent you those three German words… ich liebe dich. But u screwed it up when you told me that you didn’t understand them...!! Hmm... I knew I made a wrong step when I said those words to you… it seems like you’ve never get those words from anyone else… actually, that was a test for you…I’ve told u, haven’t I? I wanna know what did you feel about I made a sacrifice that may kill myself (jatuh laaa saham aku...) and sent you those words. I didn’t expect that they caused you a deep impact…!! I’m sorry…but, you responded… “Maybe I should say this…” and walla.....I’ve got what I want... I knew that you like me, but you didn’t brave enough to tell me right? (That’s my early hypothesis... err, is that true?). Then I realized that I like you too...that’s why I reloaded my credit before the exact time…!!


Hmm...I admit, it's the same with me. And of course, most of my sms were from you because usually, sms that I received were important messages from my friends (betul ke ayat aku ni?). Well, maybe you were lucky, you stayed in the same place with my class-mates. You could ask anybody bout me. Especially Mardhiah. I knew you would search for me at the Math final test (My eyes melilau gak mase tu nak cari muke2 yg lain ekspresinyer). Well, I was also impressed by your English sms. In my heart "Wow, budak ni mesti terer ni. Power gak English dia". Actually, I started to like you when you told me you are not like other girls, you like final fantasy, gundam, etc.... Ummm...I told myself "Eh, same mcm aku la pulak!". I was really excited!!!!! I always smile when I hear my message tone (tu belum baca lagi tu). Tapi bebudak tak tau tu sms sebab diorg ingat tu miscall. Ahaha. Tu yg slalu diorg cakap, "Win skrang main miscall je...Awek die la tu misscall". But I always denied it. I've told you, Jumaat almost read your sms when I was just kuar dr toilet, but luckily, he didn't know how to open it!!! Dia tak biase ngan hp Siemens...nasib baik! About the 3 deutsch words, actually I could guess them . Just needed kepastian from you. Mane la tau like you said "Mane la tau, maksudnye I hate u ke...". No, you didn't make a wrong step for sending that sms. But that's true, I never did - get those words from anyone else...and I dunno how should I respond...I never did - say those words to someone before. Then I knew, you like me too... I was glad and still...glad. At least I know now, I don't clap with one hand only ... Hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhh......ICH LIEBE DICH AUCH!!!! (Still can't say it properly)


Ehh…before that, we met at KLCC...that was when I told you that I was going to Kinokuniya, alone... that was a test too... I wanna know if you got confident to see me… and there you were...passed the test!! But I regretted bout the KFC... you shouldn’t have to do that... ok, next time we’ll go to McDonald…ok? I’ll pay... don’t worry! When I got home, Mardhiah knew I went out and met you at KLCC… she knew I’d do that!! Hmm... as I walked with you and your friend, it’s kinda weird because I never go out with two guys on the same time...!! And I could see that you were afraid to talk with me...I dunno why, but I like it when we were at Kino, and you read the anime magazine (and stuff like that)…!! It’s my type of guy I’ve been searching for…!! And when we were at Twinkle (toyshop...) goshh... you were so cute… playing with the toys. Eheh… About the apple salad I’ve told you about, next time maybe…we can eat it together…but I don’t think I can see you again this third semester...I can’t put too much hope…of seeing you again… And when I got home, I felt that we were going apart… north and south… so far!! But like u said… “Don’t fall apart”...and that relieved me... I like it when I chatted with you the first time... you told me what you really felt. And I couldn’t resist myself of saying “no”… because I like you too... but then the problems begin... I realized that you didn’t know me much...bout my past... so then I made up my mind and told you everything I’ve done wrong in school... but you...are different... You wanted to help me!! No one ever volunteered to help me...but they usually tease me instead... goshh I fell in love with you so many times when you said you like me…!! Whoaaa... I feel like I’m on top of the world!! Eheh.

Yup, we met at KLCC, I actually wanted to see you. Oho... a test huh? Whateverlah.... I almost cancelled the date(?) because of the weather that day. I know you didn't believe me when you told me not to come and when I found you sitting while you were reading, I saw your unhappy face. I felt really guilty. Actually, on our (me and Jumaat) way, we were stuck in a heavy traffic jam. That was why we were late. I didn't lie, in the name of Allah. This is the truth...believe me okay? 'Bout the KFC, don't mention about it. I really wanted to treat you. Hmm.. lucky of me, on that day, there was just me and Jumaat who still staying in our room. No one else (So the girls did, and the boys didn't know about us) And that night, I kept thinking of you. The funny thing was, Jumaat abiskan his credit when he called his classmate (pompuan la tu). I think he likes her. Hmm... one more thing, I actually don't know how to walk with a girl with me. That's why I didn't walk too close to you (but I wanted to). I'm learning . I started to call you when I was at my uncle's home (Bangi) That was after you told me that you were so scared staying alone with storms outside. I dunno why I called you, but I felt like...I need to call you!! You said after you told me about your past, I won't like you anymore. But you are wrong. The truth is I really liked you no matter who you were before. We learn from our past. Don't let our past haunt our future. The problem started when you thought I made friend with you because I sympathize with you. Again, you were wrong about me. I had never thought about that before...but I do really care about you. Past is past, you can't change it. Your friends teased you because they treated you as their friend, but I wanna treat you more than just a friend. I like you!!!!!!!!!!!! Eheh...

Then you called me… I fell in love with your voice Win...then everyday I’ve been waiting for your calls...(but I don’t think that you dare to call me again next time because of the high bills ek…!!). We spoke all nite about almost everything...(including my body cut…!! cisss...) till I made a new rule… no more sms... goshh how I missed your sms the first day I launched that rule!! Suffering... And…we chat too...midnite… till 3 a.m... I love the way you chat...cute!! And your nick... always changes!! Huh…!! And you said that your eyes become like pandas...ngeee...sorry…!! Well, internet brought us near... emails and mirc.. bluemountain cards… beatgreet… and so much more... You’ve sent me lyrics I love... your family pictures... I know your family through your creative tremendous homepage.... “hebbat tuan-tuan!!” I’ve been alwiz hoping for your emails… lyrics… cards… u’ve sent me all the things I like...but I never give you the things you like because I dunno them!! You don’t talk too much ‘sebab saya selalu potong cakap awak’ Eheh... so I hope you like what I’ve gave you… sorry coz I dunno much bout internet… especially about pc itself!! And I wanna thank you for sending me the lyrics I’ve been hoping for since I was in school... I really appreciate that!! I appreciate everything you’ve done for me... I never had someone who loves me that much... I will do my best to keep this relationship goes on... I’ll stop this here... But actually there are so much for me to tell...eheh, I’m afraid you’ll get bored if I talked too much!!


Yeah, I called you for the 2nd time. That night. I never had a phone call for that long before. And two of the calls, jejak 6 hours!!! What a record for me. Mesti awak dah biase kan? Nasib baik la my father didn't ask whose number was that. He just said "Cakap apelah sampai 1 jam lebih tu...". Fiuhh~ (hey, you don't have to worry about your body figure, it's purrrfect). Then we started to chat. First, you went to cc, then you said, you've activated your TMnet account. That' was when we started to chat from midnight till 3 o'clock in the morning. I felt guilty when your mum scolded you for staying up too late almost every night. I apologize. But could we resist it? NOT!! Am I right?? Panda pun panda lah... Tapi jangan biasekanla. Then I started to send you e-mails and lyrics (you started it first right?). And not forgetting my photos . And you sent me your old photos... Ciss... Takpe, takpe, tak kisahlah. I wanna thank you too for sending me those cards and 'killer-questions' e-mails and lyrics.....Who said I didn't like those stuffs? I really liked them! And I really really appreciate them like I appreciate you. I love you very much. Thank you for coming into my life... Thank God I found you! I will do my best too to keep this relationship goes on... Hey, you can tell me everything about anything. Don't be afraid. You are an open-minded gal right? Don't worry, I won't get bored. Usually, I only get bored when someone doesn't stop talking about his girlfriendssss... When he talks about it, I remain silent or buat muka...eee, menyampah aku! Because in my mind, I think, macamla pompuan tu barang nak buat koleksi. And when I talk (that's talk = comes out from my mouth), saya tak suka sangat cakap 'awek' sebab rasa macam merendahkan pompuan tu jek, 'gf' is better. Maybe because saya tak biasa lagi kot. Lama-lama terbiasa la tu.

Well I told you that I’m unpredictable type and you admit it too. I asked u so many know how much you love me, I got mad when I knew you gave Gohan drawing to that girl, I got angry when you left me chat with ‘not you’ but... your nick...sometimes I said something confusing, right?’s all because… because I like you. But I had a funny way to show you I care... kinda way you never expected but I got a better idea, why don’t you get another girl?... the girl you’ve been wishing for... the one who can cook the dishes you love, ‘yg pakai tudung...’ and the one who can take care of herself....a perfect girl... I mean a perfect woman!! I don’t understand how on earth can you stand with my unpredictable acts.... but I love the way ‘awak pujuk saya’... so nice and actually makes me love you more. Well... I don’t understand myself...and I don’t know how will you understand me. My friends said that I'm like a glass of water...(kelako..!!). People can see me through just by the way I talk and act. Is that rite? But no one of them can see the deepest part of my heart, where I put all my sorrows and past. I used to hide my feeling but I guess it’ll show up at last no matter how hard I try. But...there’s no one to talk to... because they are not the type who can understand my I think I better keep them to myself. I better off the way I am though people think that I’m weird, different from other girls. I didn’t believe when a boy said that he liked me… the way I am...that's better, at least I didn’t have problems with love…(but now...I dunno...). My world is upside down since you came... it’s not your fault but I feel like …I’m such a mess in your life. What you want is different...from what I did and what I had. It’s not that I don’t wanna change but I need time...and now I don’t feel like I wanna change...I’m really sorry. But I do need your supports....(-.-)


Hmm...Yup, you are unpredictable, 1 time you said you're ok, but 1 time after that you said you're not. I was confused. Well, it doesn't really matter, after all, you are still a girl, a lady and a woman right? You know that Gohan I gave her? It was not the original. I copied it from my original drawing. Not like you, I gave you right after I finished the artworks. It means, the pictures I drew were made specially for you ! And about that night, I'm very very sorry... Please... forgive me. I thought you were chatting with your friends. And next time, please tell me if you wanna go offline, okay? Don't wait for me. I'll understand. Okay, if that the way you care for me, this is how I show my care to you...I'll stay with you, whatever and whenever you are. Mmm...a glass of water? Maybe, but they didn't see what are the ingredients of the water yet (This is the time I was interrupted by your call - Tuesday, April 23, 8.20++pm, asking me what should I get for my birthday ^_^x - sibuk jelah gf aku sorang nih). like it when I 'pujuk' you, hmm, weird, I don't actually know how to do that. Well, you can tell me your problems, even though I can't help, but at least I can be a place for you to voice out your feeling, like the song I gave you...


So, if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
And hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
But I'm alot like you


I always hold my feeling inside. Especially when I get mad. But, I still can control the feeling and it will soon gone by itself. And one more thing, you are NOT a mess in my life!!! Don't you say like that again. You bring me joy I never had before. I didn't mean to change you 100% in a time. I'll understand. You need time. Whether you wanna change or not, that's your decision. I don't want you to change just because of me but because of you yourself. Don't think too hard about that or you'll blow up your mind...eheh. I'm always here to give you my support. Don't you worry...ok dear?

At the time I was writing this paragraph, you've told me about your parent and opah. Hmm... I got scared they won't accept me. But you said don't worry, you'll make sure that they'll be ok. I hope so. And congratulation for receiving Dekan again! Good for you, maintain your score!




That's it. The last e-mail. Hey, don't be afraid to send me e-mail!! I won't eat you!!! Till then, last but not least, I Love You, Aishiteiru and Ich Liebe Dich. Neverending....


_____________________________________________________ ^_^x!



Okeh, okeh, kat sini sy senaraikan la sms yg sy simpan (17th May 2002):


1. win, i'd a dream. we..we..kissed..ish, it might sound crazy, but it seemed so real, ur lips're warm. u started it! i xknow where. only de2 of us. we couldn't speak.


2. if u ask me 1) when i'm urs 2) if u scold me 3) spendtime w/u 4) when u say u luv me 5) ignoring me 6) all about u 7) u & ur luv 8) 2b totally urs 9) neck.. u'll find out 1 day.


3. i wanna know wat 1) makes u SO eppy 2) makes u SO sad 3) turns u on 4) keeps u smilin 5) makes u hate me 6) makes u luv me 7) u need from me 8) ur desires 9) ur w'point.


4. what've u done? i'm fallin in luv with u.. win! n all i can think of is u! a simple line from u can make me laugh. argh,i've never been like this b4! WIN!!


5. ich kann nur viele satzen versatanden.aishiteiru to itte kure huh?..ich liebe dich. jetzt, sagst du mir! kannst du mir verstehen? wahahaha( " ,)


6. i need a guy who appreciates me, comforts me, loves me, takes care o'me, guides me, u'stands me,sees me thru, n wake me up in de mornin.. i think i found him, i found u!


7. i can say these 1000 o'times,"i like u".. wish u like me2! "i miss u".. wish u miss me2! "i..i..i luv u".. wish u luv me2.. win, please say u do. coz all i want is ur luv.


8. i've a bf,whose name's win. he's kindhearted, dat's y i like him. he treats me well n sends me lot of touchin lyrics. he's cute, u'standing, caring.. i luv him so much!


9. i like u, miss u, need u, luv u, want u.. but those r only mere words, can't xpress de real feelin inside.. i only hope u can feel my love within ur heart.. aishiteiru.


10. hm, de 1st thing i've been thinkin of evry mornin is u. n de last thing i've been thinkin of evry nite is u.. when i listen 2luvsongs, i missed u.. n i can't stop it!


11. i want u 2know dat i miss u so much, n i hope u'd miss me2.. i've been luvin u evryday, n i can't stop thinkin of u.. oh god, u're drivin me crazy! do u feel de same?


12. i'm so in luv with u.. i turn my thoughts 2u coz all i can think about is u.. n that keeps me smiling all day long. i want u, i need u, n i really miss u.. now n 4eva.


13. mmuah mmuah mmuah n mmuah!! thanks 4de pooh.. it's so cute! same cam pooh kat towel sy..! i luv de pooh n most of all.. i luv u 2! sy m'jerit ms bk emel td. wahhhhhh!


14. will u luv me? will u miss me? will u need me? will u be my man? will u hold my hand? will u keep my heart close 2u? will u let me b d only1? will u keep me in ur arm?


15. u r so nice, i should tell de truth, i never met s'one... like u, i mean de1 i've been searchin4.. smarter than me (win: wei, u r smarter than me la!), crazy 4pc's, gamer, go2 pcfair, innocent n my type.


16. win.. i finnaly made up my mind.. brave enough to tell u what i actually felt.. i don't know since when this happened.. n i don't have the reason y.. ich liebe dich.

(maybe sy dah delete semua sms nih by the time u read this, giler la kalau kantol, eheh. takpelah delete sebab dah re-write kat sini )